‘Til Death Do Us Part

Divorce. Separation. Annulment.

I have seen a lot of couples go through all these.  Some were a surprise. All of them are backed up by millions of reasons why they need to end their marriage.

They usually complain that their partner is not the same person they married.  From abuse, infidelity, addiction, financial mistrust to unhappiness, selfishness and lack of connection to their partner.

This is the world we live in where marriage counseling is too short or even neglected to save a marriage.  Both parties are too proud to give in.  Both don’t trust each other.  Partners go into self preservation to regain their lost confidence and lost belief of something that will last.  Every situation involves an array of complicated reasons.

I am going to veer away from the big and long standing complicated issues but I will talk about the makings of a broken marriage.

It starts when both spouses rearrange their priorities.  Kids over their marriage.  Work over their marriage.  Relatives over their marriage.  Finances over their marriage.

It starts when you both quit trying to work it out.  Nobody is starting to change their behavior towards each other.  No apologies. No kind words spoken.

It starts when trust is gone.  You don’t trust that your spouse can change.  You don’t trust every promise hereafter.

It starts when bitterness and unforgiveness settle in the heart.  Love and bitterness cannot exist together.

It starts when you lose all hope that everything will be alright.

It starts when you listen to a specific mindset. Closing your ears to all counsel because you are dead set with your decision.

Instead of trying to change the way you relate to your spouse, you justify your anger and think you need to spare the kids from seeing all the heated arguments by ending your marriage.

When we enter the sacred union of matrimony with God as the witness, we all made promises that are binding.  We do it in the presence of God because we are frail to fulfill that promise “‘Til death do us part.”  We needed God in that ceremony trusting Him to come through for us when life gets tough.

Marriage is a always a work in progress.  You always work at it.  You always fight for it.  You always try to be a better spouse.  More kind words, more date nights, more trust, more clear communication throughout the years.  You need to be deliberate.  You need to prioritize. Without God, we cannot be consistent.  We cannot be loving towards one another.  We cannot respond kindly when hurting words are always received.  We cannot operate as a team when you don’t trust your teammate.

From the moment you get married to the moment you celebrate your golden anniversary, it is all by GOD’S GRACE.  We all need God to go through this complicated union and as the years go by to hope that true unity will be in our marriage.

To all those who are reading this, don’t give up.  Ask help.  Talk to counselors or friends that can help you.  Ask God to change you rather than asking God to change your partner.  Ask God to heal you.  Change will take place for sure.  You are just making the first move because if you won’t nothing will happen.  Yes, it’s a risk.  It’s scary to get hurt.  But if you already asked God for help to save your marriage, He will be on your side.  Whether you both need a breather by temporarily being apart, do what it takes but for the meantime seek help.  The objective of the breather is to save a marriage not a transition to something permanent.  Pray, pray, pray.  Act on your prayer.

I heard this from someone,  “Your love towards each other is the best gift you can give to your children.” Always hope for the best. God bless us all!